Would you love to be popular? Are you already popular but want to be famous? Are you famous but can’t autograph your fan’s naughty parts due to a lack of ink? Are you tired of being lonely and depressed?

Do you think this is silly?

 

Well, 9 out of 10 people feel the same as you do (I'm guessing). That’s why you need to barter something in return for my super sexy Staples Ballpoint 1.0 Stick Pen. It is guaranteed* to make you feel like Jack felt in the Titanic**.

 

Why should you contact me to barter for this pen you ask?

 

PORTABLE - The pen is lightweight and portable, so you can bring it with you anywhere in the world. Imagine taking it to the deliciously exotic beaches of Bora Bora. Picture yourself sipping an intoxicating cocktail in the wonderful warm evening breeze, looking down and proudly seeing this magnificent instrument of poetic artistry protruding from your front pocket for the world to see. Most probably you will be the only one there who has one. Lucky devil. Try not to break too many hearts. 

 

FASHION - This pen is the epitome of chic. We all know that black is the new black, and that is why this pen dispenses viscous oil based black ink only, advertising to the world that you have style and sophistication. Move over Daniel Craig, there’s a new Bond in town.

 

USEFUL- In our day and age, finding yourself without a working pen can be disastrous. This amazing piece of stationery is technologically advanced, as it comes with a translucent barrel - a sophisticated early warning system enabling you to know at all times how much ink is left to be used. Never again will you find yourself alone and without pen. The ink is also quick drying (under a second). Let's see a fountain pen compete with that!

 

SEDUCTIVE - I have left the best reason for last. You can use the account of how you got this amazing pen as an amazingly funny, courageous, sexy, tragic and emotional story that can be used to seduce and entice worthy members of the opposite sex. Because everyone loves a good story! Become the raging hit of parties and the center of attention at all events, bars and restaurants you go to. No longer will you be the sad, sockless, athlete's foot infested person that you are today! (This is just getting too silly now). 

 

Please read about the challenge on next tab, then contact me with a an offer for an item to barter that is of higher value than the pen. 

 

* Not Guaranteed

** King of the world, riding Rose on the Titanic’s bow. Not end scene when Rose lets him die and hogs the huge piece of wood for herself and her matching luggage. 

 

​*** There are no three stars anywhere, I just want to rant. In Titanic, why did old lady Rose throw away the diamond ring?! She could have given it to charity! She could have thrown a massive keg party!